This lunch with Brian was at a restaurant one of friends owns. Maybe in the future we'll have a lunch date that's a Nooner!! But not this time! :)
Gee, I guess you can already tell that I really like Brian a lot. Our conversations set a nice groundwork for lunch. He can say that he looks just like his pictures......and he does..... but I've found NO one looks EXACTLY like their picture, at least not at first. He's much more attractive in person, actually. Pleasant surprise.
He is a southern gentleman, by his own description. Quite an adjustment for an independent chick like me who is used to opening her own doors. Or does that just happen because I always beat the other person to the door? We had a few laughs about that difference, and like he said, hey, at least we're laughing about it with each other! Yep, that's a good sign!
My friend makes such awesome food, and quite a variety, so it's hard to choose. Our waitress lets me know that she specifically set aside the last of the grilled eggplant for me (grilled eggplant sandwich being one of the daily specials), so how could I possibly have anything else?! It was yummy. Several items caught Brian's eye, but he decided on a patty melt. Must have been good because his plate was shiny clean when it was over! He said we HAD to have dessert & ordered carrot cake. I protested, having not been able to eat my whole sandwich, but ended up having a bite or two. He enjoys the restaurant, says it won't be his last time there, and I think the whole lunch was a raving success.
When we get back to my office, he gets out to come around & open my door.... part of me thinks this is just ridiculous as I am perfectly capable of handling that chore myself as I have for years.... and another part of me ponders the feeling of being treated like a princess, and if I could get used to that........ time will tell!
THEN, something that has never happened in my whole life happened..... he ever so politely ASKED, YES, ASKED, if he could call me again. Uh, YEAH. Duh. I think my knees actually got a little weak, which is pretty surprising because my usual reaction would be to come up with something sarcastic, even if I kept in to myself. Gee, even as I write this I can't think of anything smartass.... just that it's so damn sweet! hunh. I keep saying over & over again on this dating journey that I find myself in "places" I haven't been before. Well, here's another. This is certainly one of the more enjoyable spots in the ride!!
I expect not to hear from him until he comes back into town, probably next week. But, NO, he calls me after work to thank me again for having lunch with him. Nice surprise. So, this is about the time that each of us is wondering what the hell is wrong with the other one that we haven't spotted yet!! No, that would be the old me..... I'm just savoring the moment!
Relax, Columbus!
Dave & I didn't get together right after my last post. I slept horribly that Sat night, up many times, and having ridiculously horrible dreams/nightmares when I did sleep. Woke up with headache, upset tummy & exhausted. Called Dave in plenty of time to let him know I'd need to raincheck. He was relieved to hear that since he was still in bed, fighting the beginnings of a cold. We postponed.
He called on Fri to see if I had plans for Sat. You could say so - I was booked from 6 am till late into the night. I invited him to the last stop on my route -- a CD Release Party for a friend of mine. She's been up in Ohio producing her latest CD, but wanted to have the release party here because of all the support she had when she lived here for a few years ago. I was definitely going, so I invited Dave. We had fun. She has an awesome voice that just kicks your ears in their ass. I mean, she can do Janis and Heart better than they can!! And she has SUCH a way with the crowd - man, can she work us - I don't know many people who can get a bar full of rockers to enthusiastically belt out "King Of The Road" at the top of their lungs! She can!
There wasn't much talking with all the music & bar activity, but we both enjoyed ourselves. More kissing when he dropped me off. Getting better. He needed to get up early so he left soon, which was fine with me. I drank too much & was so ready to crash. What a lightweight I've become. 6 beers & I felt it all day Sunday. Wimp.
I've been in touch with another guy, Brian. He called last week after what seemed like a bunch of false starts (he travels a lot, so there were big gaps in our communication). Screw "The Rules" - on our first conversation we talked for an hour & a half. Without pauses. With lots of laughs. With lots of interesting stuff. Today I got an email - he's going to call me tonight & we're going to discuss lunch plans. Cool. I look forward to meeting him.
And there's this little voice I hear, asking me if it's okay to have lunch with Brian when I've been dating Dave. The little voice kind of annoys me. Dave & I have had no discussion about being exclusive. We haven't been intimate - only kissing. It's fine with me at this point if Dave is dating other women (which is kinda stupid to even say, because there's no basis for it being fine or NOT being fine with me at this stage). I know that little voice. It always knows what buttons it can push. These days I'm paying attention & it doesn't get far. Just look at how it will find any little crack in my armour of peace to try to worm its way in. Funny little wormy voice. Go home. Guilt might pay some short visits here, but doesn't live here any more. Get over yourself.
So far, I see that Dave & Brian have strong similarities, and very apparent differences. I embrace getting to know both of them better as part of my journey. Getting to know them better & getting to know myself better are happening at the same time. Nice to be awake in this life, and observant. And participating again!
Funny, God (or whatever your real name is), very, very funny! You're such a smartass. Guess that's proof I was made in your image.
Within a half-hour of my previous posting (where I briefly mentioned the minimalist aspect of Dave's phone calls), I arrived home to a message from him!
ha! He congratulated me on the job & asked me to call him back. okey-dokey!
I love his sense of humor: he suggests that we go out to celebrate by drinking tequila shots until 3 am! His sense of humor is so dry & he plays it off so well, but of course I know he's being silly. He knows the next day is my 1st day on the new job, & that I can stay up WAY later than him, especially drinking tequila! He'd be passed out & I'd be still partying & then I'd just HAVE to do stupid embarrassing things to him with any props I could find depending on our location & take pictures to post on the internet...... (yeah, somewhere inside this middle aged woman is a frat boy, alive & well.) Here, pull my finger.
He has some business-y things brewing this week, so his time is committed anyway. Tempt me with tequila, ya big tease, and then run away! We agree to reconnect & do something Fri or on the weekend. My Fri night plans to see a chick flick dissolve, so I call & leave Dave a message after I got off work. (wow, does THAT feel good to say....when I got off work...!!!! big grins!!!) We talk today (Sat) & decide to do something tomorrow.. I'd mentioned brunch & he thinks that sounds good, but he's not feeling great today after eating at a new pizzeria last night. OK, remember when I said I was going to be more observant?......... I offer the idea to just touch base tomorrow morning & see how he's feeling, & make any plans from there. He shares that he wants to set something now..... because if he doesn't schedule it & know it's a commitment, he'll get lazy tomorrow & think of reasons not to do anything. He further comments that if he doesn't make plans, he'll just drift along and the next thing you know it will be a month & a half down the road and he'll suddenly think, Hey I wonder what Tamster's doing? Yes, he did say that.
The good part of that is that he seems to know himself, & isn't afraid to share that openly.
The notsogood part of that is it doesn't sound like someone ready to be a "serious boyfriend" let alone more. And although I am massively in support of days (or parts of them) vegging out to movies in yer undies, overall I am of the opinion that life is a juicy interesting colorful amazing buffet themepark candystore meet&greet to be inhaled savored embraced ......... smiling as much of the time as you can.
And remember, I'm not going to change anyone, & I have no desire to be anyone's therapist. Been. Done. Failed.
Dave is going to pick me up tomorrow at 11:30, and we're going to an interesting part of town to hang out & see what tickles our fancy. I'm going to sleep on what things I may want to say, or questions I may want to ask. Both him and myself.
ah. half the year accomplished!!
I start a wonderful new job tomorrow - one that met all the items on my "want list!!" hoooooooray! Of course that's assuming I pass my piss test.... DUH, of course I will! :) The only imbibing of altering substances has been a few beers to wash down a pizza. Exciting enough for me these days! :)
My last 2 dates with Dave were fun & iteresting - we watched the Preds wildcard game at my friends' house, and our mutual friend showed up, too. As nice as Dave was, he didn't even sit by me during the game. I noticed and wondered, but didn't get funky about it. Just a NOTE TO SELF. I like to have my date demonstrate in some way or another that we're actually together! I was starting to think this may be just a hangingoutfriends sort of "dating," but I did get real true good night kisses. Finally.
He invited me to a 4th of July BBQ, which I eagerly anticipated. I was looking forward to meeting his friends. It was a fun afternoon, if not a little strange. BY APPEARANCE ONLY you would have thought they'd been collected from the local dive bar. Not what I expected! :) Belying the visuals, they are smart, well-rounded people. And yet, a full 70% of the conversation was along the lines of "hey, remember that time we got so drunk that we __________." I realize they've all kown each other since the 70's or 80's, and the stories WERE funny; just not what I expected from this 50-and-over crowd. Another fav topic was about their travel escapades (some of which I'd already heard). Yeah, again, the stories are funny, but there's something that bugs me about hearing Dave exclaim how proud he is that they are the inspiration for the term "Ugly Americans." hmmmmmm.
After the BBQ we go back to his place & end up talking in the living room for a few hours. Some reddish flags are showing. Maybe not bright red, but in that spectrum of the rainbow. He finally talks a bit about his marriage & divorce. Cliff Notes: they didn't know each other long before marrying; she was & is a total complete certifiable commitable wack job (also noted by comments his friends made); they did not share a lot of time or activities but basically lived separate lives during the marriage; the divorce was difficult, long & drawn out and the kids stayed with him. Somewhere along the way the comment is added that the success of his parents' marriage had to do with them basically living on separate floors from each other. He repeatedly comments on how much he enjoys being at home alone. Yeah, I'm comfortable being alone, too, but that doesn't mean I want to stay that way! -- I want to be in love with someone who's become my best friend. I don't want to be joined at the hip, but I don't want to live separate lives either.
I'm starting to wonder if he had a relationship role model that is even close to what I want. Doesn't sound like he's lived one, either. Suddenly, the fact that he doesn't call "just to say hello, how was your day," the fact that more than half the dates we've had were at my suggestion (altho he was quite willing & eager), the fact that he hasn't tried to get any more physical than a kiss in 9 (10?) dates are beginning to make more sense. I think what he wants out of relationship doesn't match up with what I want.
CLARIFICATION: This is NOT about "where are we going, what future do you see for us, etc." Frankly, I find that irrelevant at the moment. This is about What Type of Relationship Does Dave Want? What Type of Relationship Does Tamster Want? I see signs that we don't even have the same BALLPARK of expectations. Forget the individuals. Focus on the concept. I make mental notes not to 1) jump to conclusions or 2) make excuses to gloss over our differences or explain his behaviours and definitely not 3) try to change him! Been there; done it all; no more... soooo not attracted to that any more! My mental TO DO list is 1) let him take more of a lead from here, 2) ask more questions when appropriate and 3) LISTEN to his responses as they are.
Early last week I get an email from him saying he'd be out of town for a few days. I answer lightly, and send him a joke. Then, yesterday I get another email that he's back & hopes my job search is going well. I happily inform him of the wonderful news, welcome him back into town..... and let it go at that. I am not going to pursue. I don't want to pursue. We should at least be meeting in the middle at this point. That's what I want. Not necessarily from Dave, but from a dating relationship.
Friday will be 2 weeks since our last date. No phone calls. (but that's status quo) A few short emails. A very good friend of mine just said to me about an hour ago "sorry to quote the book title, but it sounds like he's just not that into you!" OK. That's cool, too. I might still be attracting emotionally unavailable men, which is residual from my past, BUT I'm not longer ATTRACT-ED. I'm going to focus on my amazing new job and see where his head is at. :)
It's been a while since I listened to my Weird Al CD. Today it seemed like a good idea. A great idea. A superb idea. IT WAS!!! Those of you who know me well have heard my laugh my ass off at the following song, so I decided to share it here. It's just so ...... human. Do you see just a little bit of yourself in it?? Nah, me either!!! :)
Meanwhile, there have been 2 dates I haven't written about..... but will !
And, as funny as the lyrics are, you really gotta HEAR the song -- so check it out! Later, little gators! :)
"Close But No Cigar"
Jillian was her name
She was sweeter than aspartame
Her kisses reconfigured my DNA
And after that I never was the same
And I loved her even more
Than Marlon Brando loved souffle
She was gorgeous, she was charming
Yeah, she was perfect in every way
Except she was always using the word "infer"
When she obviously meant "imply"
And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing
But frankly, I can't imagine why
And I told her, I said
"Hey! Are we playing horseshoes, honey?
No, I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
But no cigar!"
Then I met sweet young Janet
Prettiest thing on the planet
Had a body hotter than a habanjero
She had lips like a ripe pomegranate
And I was crazy like Manson about her
She got me all choked up like Momma Cass
She had a smile so incredibly radiant
You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass
I thought after all these years of searching around
I'd found my soulmate finally
But one day I found OUT she actually owned a copy
Of Joe Dirt on DVD
Oh, no! I said
"Hey! Are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
Oh, so very close! (Close!)
Yeah, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!"
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(ALL RIGHT!)
[Hand claps, trumpet solo]
Julie played water polo
She wore a ribbon on her left manolo
She had me sweating like Nixon every time she was near
My heart was beating like a Buddy Rich solo
And she was everything I've dreamed of
She moved right up to #1 on my list
And did I mention she's a world famous billionare
Bikini supermodel astrophysicist
Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron
Look like a big fat slobbering pig
The only caveat is one of her earlobes
Was just a little tiny bit too big
I said
"Hey! Are we doing government work here?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
So very, very close! (Close!)
Aaw, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!"
Missed it by that much! (No cigar!)
Ah, yeah! Ah, right! (No cigar!)
Really, really, really close! (No cigar!)
But no cigar!
