Posts (page 2)

Relax, Columbus!
Dave & I didn't get together right after my last post. I slept horribly that Sat night, up many times, and having ridiculously horrible dreams/nightmares when I did sleep. Woke up with headache, upset tummy & exhausted. Called Dave in plenty of time to let him know I'd need to raincheck. He was relieved to hear that since he was still in bed, fighting the beginnings of a cold.   We postponed.
He called on Fri to see if I had plans for Sat.  You could say so - I was booked from 6 am till late into the night.  I invited him to the last stop on my route -- a CD Release Party for a friend of mine. She's been up in Ohio producing her latest CD, but wanted to have the release party here because of all the support she had when she lived here for a few years ago.  I was definitely going, so I invited Dave.  We had fun. She has an awesome voice that just kicks your ears in their ass. I mean, she can do Janis and Heart better than they can!!  And she has SUCH a way with the crowd - man, can she work us - I don't know many people who can get a bar full of rockers to enthusiastically belt out "King Of The Road" at the top of their lungs!  She can!
There wasn't much talking with all the music & bar activity, but we both enjoyed ourselves. More kissing when he dropped me off. Getting better. He needed to get up early so he left soon, which was fine with me. I drank too much & was so ready to crash. What a lightweight I've become. 6 beers & I felt it all day Sunday. Wimp.

I've been in touch with another guy, Brian. He called last week after what seemed like a bunch of false starts (he travels a lot, so there were big gaps in our communication).  Screw "The Rules" - on our first conversation we talked for an hour & a half. Without pauses. With lots of laughs. With lots of interesting stuff.   Today I got an email - he's going to call me tonight & we're going to discuss lunch plans. Cool. I look forward to meeting him.

And there's this little voice I hear, asking me if it's okay to have lunch with Brian when I've been dating Dave. The little voice kind of annoys me. Dave & I have had no discussion about being exclusive. We haven't been intimate - only kissing. It's fine with me at this point if Dave is dating other women (which is kinda stupid to even say, because there's no basis for it being fine or NOT being fine with me at this stage). I know that little voice. It always knows what buttons it can push. These days I'm paying attention & it doesn't get far. Just look at how it will find any little crack in my armour of peace to try to worm its way in. Funny little wormy voice. Go home. Guilt might pay some short visits here, but doesn't live here any more. Get over yourself.

So far, I see that Dave & Brian have strong similarities, and very apparent differences. I embrace getting to know both of them better as part of my journey. Getting to know them better & getting to know myself better are happening at the same time. Nice to be awake in this life, and observant. And participating again!

Funny, God (or whatever your real name is), very, very funny!  You're such a smartass. Guess that's proof I was made in your image.

Within a half-hour of my previous posting (where I briefly mentioned the minimalist aspect of Dave's phone calls), I arrived home to a message from him!   
ha!  He congratulated me on the job & asked me to call him back.   okey-dokey!

I love his sense of humor:  he suggests that we go out to celebrate by drinking tequila shots until 3 am!  His sense of humor is so dry & he plays it off so well, but of course I know he's being silly. He knows the next day is my 1st day on the new job, & that I can stay up WAY later than him, especially drinking tequila!  He'd be passed out & I'd be still partying & then I'd just HAVE to do stupid embarrassing things to him with any props I could find depending on our location & take pictures to post on the internet...... (yeah, somewhere inside this middle aged woman is a frat boy, alive & well.) Here, pull my finger.

He has some business-y things brewing this week, so his time is committed anyway.  Tempt me with tequila, ya big tease, and then run away!  We agree to reconnect & do something Fri or on the weekend. My Fri night plans to see a chick flick dissolve, so I call & leave Dave a message after I got off work.  (wow, does THAT feel good to say....when I got off work...!!!! big grins!!!)  We talk today (Sat) & decide to do something tomorrow..  I'd mentioned brunch & he thinks that sounds good, but he's not feeling great today after eating at a new pizzeria last night.  OK, remember when I said I was going to be more observant?.........    I offer the idea to just touch base tomorrow morning & see how he's feeling, & make any plans from there.   He shares that he wants to set something now..... because if he doesn't schedule it & know it's a commitment, he'll get lazy tomorrow & think of reasons not to do anything.  He further comments that if he doesn't make plans, he'll just drift along and the next thing you know it will be a month & a half down the road and he'll suddenly think, Hey I wonder what Tamster's doing?   Yes, he did say that.

The good part of that is that he seems to know himself, & isn't afraid to share that openly.

The notsogood part of that is it doesn't sound like someone ready to be a "serious boyfriend" let alone more. And although I am massively in support of days (or parts of them) vegging out to movies in yer undies, overall I am of the opinion that life is a juicy interesting colorful amazing buffet themepark candystore meet&greet to be inhaled savored embraced ......... smiling as much of the time as you can.

And remember, I'm not going to change anyone, & I have no desire to be anyone's therapist.  Been. Done. Failed.

Dave is going to pick me up tomorrow at 11:30, and we're going to an interesting part of town to hang out & see what tickles our fancy.  I'm going to sleep on what things I may want to say, or questions I may want to ask.  Both him and myself.

ah. half the year accomplished!!

I start a wonderful new job tomorrow - one that met all the items on my "want list!!"  hoooooooray!  Of course that's assuming I pass my piss test.... DUH, of course I will! :)    The only imbibing of altering substances has been a few beers to wash down a pizza.  Exciting enough for me these days!    :)

My last 2 dates with Dave were fun & iteresting - we watched the Preds wildcard game at my friends' house, and our mutual friend showed up, too.  As nice as Dave was, he didn't even sit by me during the game.  I noticed and wondered, but didn't get funky about it.  Just a NOTE TO SELF.  I like to have my date demonstrate in some way or another that we're actually together!   I was starting to think this may be just a hangingoutfriends sort of "dating," but I did get real true good night kisses.  Finally.

He invited me to a 4th of July BBQ, which I eagerly anticipated.  I was looking forward to meeting his friends.  It was a fun afternoon, if not a little strange. BY APPEARANCE ONLY you would have thought they'd been collected from the local dive bar.  Not what I expected!  :)   Belying the visuals, they are smart, well-rounded people.  And yet, a full 70% of the conversation was along the lines of "hey, remember that time we got so drunk that we __________." I realize they've all kown each other since the 70's or 80's, and the stories WERE funny; just not what I expected from this 50-and-over crowd.  Another fav topic was about their travel escapades (some of which I'd already heard).  Yeah, again, the stories are funny, but there's something that bugs me about hearing Dave exclaim how proud he is that they are the inspiration for the term "Ugly Americans."  hmmmmmm. 

After the BBQ we go back to his place & end up talking in the living room for a few hours.  Some reddish flags are showing. Maybe not bright red, but in that spectrum of the rainbow. He finally talks a bit about his marriage & divorce. Cliff Notes:  they didn't know each other long before marrying; she was & is a total complete certifiable commitable wack job (also noted by comments his friends made); they did not share a lot of time or activities but basically lived separate lives during the marriage; the divorce was difficult, long & drawn out and the kids stayed with him.  Somewhere along the way the comment is added that the success of his parents' marriage had to do with them basically living on separate floors from each other. He repeatedly comments on how much he enjoys being at home alone.   Yeah, I'm comfortable being alone, too, but that doesn't mean I want to stay that way! -- I want to be in love with someone who's become my best friend. I don't want to be joined at the hip, but I don't want to live separate lives either.

I'm starting to wonder if he had a relationship role model that is even close to what I want.  Doesn't sound like he's lived one, either.  Suddenly, the fact that he doesn't call "just to say hello, how was your day," the fact that more than half the dates we've had were at my suggestion (altho he was quite willing & eager), the fact that he hasn't tried to get any more physical than a kiss in 9 (10?) dates are beginning to make more sense.  I think what he wants out of relationship doesn't match up with what I want.

CLARIFICATION: This is NOT about "where are we going, what future do you see for us, etc."    Frankly, I find that irrelevant at the moment.   This is about What Type of Relationship Does Dave Want?    What Type of Relationship Does Tamster Want?   I see signs that we don't even have the same BALLPARK of expectations.  Forget the individuals.  Focus on the concept.   I make mental notes not to 1) jump to conclusions or 2) make excuses to gloss over our differences or explain his behaviours and definitely not 3) try to change him!  Been there; done it all; no more... soooo not attracted to that any more!    My mental TO DO list is 1) let him take more of a lead from here, 2) ask more questions when appropriate and 3) LISTEN to his responses as they are.

Early last week I get an email from him saying he'd be out of town for a few days.  I answer lightly, and send him a joke.  Then, yesterday I get another email that he's back & hopes my job search is going well. I happily inform him of the wonderful news, welcome him back into town..... and let it go at that. I am not going to pursue. I don't want to pursue. We should at least be meeting in the middle at this point.  That's what I want. Not necessarily from Dave, but from a dating relationship.

Friday will be 2 weeks since our last date.  No phone calls. (but that's status quo) A few short emails.  A very good friend of mine just said to me about an hour ago "sorry to quote the book title, but it sounds like he's just not that into you!"    OK. That's cool, too.  I might still be attracting emotionally unavailable men, which is residual from my past, BUT I'm not longer ATTRACT-ED.     I'm going to focus on my amazing new job and see where his head is at.    :)

It's been a while since I listened to my Weird Al CD.  Today it seemed like a good idea.  A great idea.  A superb idea.  IT WAS!!!  Those of you who know me well have heard my laugh my ass off at the following song, so I decided to share it here.  It's just so ...... human.  Do you see just a little bit of yourself in it??   Nah, me either!!!   :)

Meanwhile, there have been 2 dates I haven't written about..... but will !

And, as funny as the lyrics are, you really gotta HEAR the song -- so check it out!   Later, little gators!  :) 

"Close But No Cigar"

Jillian was her name
She was sweeter than aspartame
Her kisses reconfigured my DNA
And after that I never was the same

And I loved her even more
Than Marlon Brando loved souffle
She was gorgeous, she was charming
Yeah, she was perfect in every way

Except she was always using the word "infer"
When she obviously meant "imply"
And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing
But frankly, I can't imagine why

And I told her, I said
"Hey! Are we playing horseshoes, honey?
No, I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
But no cigar!"

Then I met sweet young Janet
Prettiest thing on the planet
Had a body hotter than a habanjero
She had lips like a ripe pomegranate

And I was crazy like Manson about her
She got me all choked up like Momma Cass
She had a smile so incredibly radiant
You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass

I thought after all these years of searching around
I'd found my soulmate finally
But one day I found OUT she actually owned a copy
Of Joe Dirt on DVD

Oh, no! I said
"Hey! Are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
Oh, so very close! (Close!)
Yeah, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!"

(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(ALL RIGHT!)

[Hand claps, trumpet solo]

Julie played water polo
She wore a ribbon on her left manolo
She had me sweating like Nixon every time she was near
My heart was beating like a Buddy Rich solo

And she was everything I've dreamed of
She moved right up to #1 on my list
And did I mention she's a world famous billionare
Bikini supermodel astrophysicist

Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron
Look like a big fat slobbering pig
The only caveat is one of her earlobes
Was just a little tiny bit too big

I said
"Hey! Are we doing government work here?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
So very, very close! (Close!)
Aaw, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!"

Missed it by that much! (No cigar!)
Ah, yeah! Ah, right! (No cigar!)
Really, really, really close! (No cigar!)
But no cigar!

Happy Wednesday morning! 

Yesterday I received an email someone "bulked" out. It was a list of things you probably don't know, but probably should.  Stuff like: our currency isn't made of paper, it's made of cotton; and 40% of McDonalds profits come from Happy Meals.  OK.  The one that got stuck in my brain was #4.  Get this - a raisin dropped into a fresh glass of champagne will continuously rise & fall in the glass.  Hmm.  I probably dig drinking games more than the next person, but I can only imagine what prompted THAT discovery!!

I couldn't get that out of my head.  And I'm a "prove it" kinda gal.  And I had champagne in the fridge. And I had raisins in the pantry. And it was Tuesday & I have no job to be at Wednesday. These are the luxurious times to take advantage, I decided.

First glass. Pour bubbly. Add raisin.  In a few seconds it DOES float wobbily up to the top, and hangs out for a brief moment before OMIGOD, it plummets back to the bottom, and wiggles some more!!  My hand is on the telephone - THIS is news to be shared amongst my unenlightened friends!   Before I dial I decide to check out the "continously" part of this.  oops. raisin down.  still down.  still down....

Well, of course, the thing to do is to drink the first glass, eat the raisn (better than a worm!), and go for glass 2.  The raisin just wobbles around on the bottom, threatening to rise, but never getting up (I'm not even going there - that's too easy!).  Well, shit.

 Glass 3.  I am so focused on watching the champagne flute, certain that the raisin is going to pull a "stealth" move on me that I nearly saute my hand with the onions & shrimp I'm cooking.  Another dud.

NOW IT'S ON!!  I am NOT going to back off this research.  I start wondering about the variables - the shape of the glass, whether the raisins should be golden instead of the dark ones, the dryness of the champagne....  I THINK it was after glass 4 that the brilliant idea came to me that maybe the glass needed to be DRY and not re-used.  So I got another glass from the china hutch.  (Today that seems like a really stupid variable, but....)

Glass 5 - new, dry, eager to serve. Doesn't make a damn bit of difference. These freaking raisins aren't even going up ONCE, let alone back down, and continuing the routine. I must push on for the sake of science!

Glass 6 - I intentionally chose the smallest raisin I could find.  After all, the bottle of champagne is getting close to "E."   Yaaaa. The little bastard rises.... hovers.... falls..... stays there.

Ah, well.  I guess any further research should be done with a group of people, covering as many variables as possible.  Maybe that will be my next party.  OOOOOPS.  In a nanosecond, I go from giggling & joyously serving my scientific experiment to....... realizing I am WAAAAAAAY too drunk and it sucks and I feel awful and it's just not fun anymore. Fresh air. I stumble around the block, praying a cop doesn't spot me staggering along, bra-less in my flipflops. This is NOT good. And extremely unattractive. I wonder if the pioneers of the raisin/champagne discovery had to go thru this. I hope not!    Now, throwing up is one of my very least favorite things, but I'm thinking it might be in my future.  So I clean the porcelain bus real well, cross my arms on it, lay my head down, and wait.  and pray.  After x number of hours, my cat comes in to see where the hell I am and demand some petting. At least I'm still alive. The experiment doesn't seem so intriguing any more.

God is good to me.  I don't barf, and I jump out of bed at 6 this morning to take my walk. Luckily, sweating comes easy in Florida in the summer, even at 6 am.   Putting the empty champagne bottle in the recycle bin makes me queasy.  I don't think I want raisins for a while.  I don't believe in "guilt by association," but, whatever - all I know is that the raisins don't look so good either!

I'm wondering what this has to do with a dating blog.  Guess this entry would have to be a warning to any potential suitors of what could lie in their future!   Run, dudes!  Yes, I'm old enough to know better, but young enough not to care.  Doesn't one of the A's in AARP stand for alcohol???  I'm a new member, so I'm not sure.........

Since most of my attention in the last month has been on finding my next job, I have contemplated converting this to a job-hunt blog, or creating a new one for that..... but, it just wouldn't be very funny.....  sure, I could 'spin' it, but somehow it just isn't the same!  :)     so, dating on....

Last week, I had my 3rd date with Dave - Thai lunch again, this time in his neck of the woods.  We are both very willing participants in the massive search for the best Thai restaurant in town!!  Let no curry go unturned!  Lunch was great, as was the company!  I'm still marveling at how much I can be myself around him.  Our appetizer was edamame pods, which we quickly discovered were actually TOYS!!   When we realized how easily the beans squiggle out of their pods when pressure is applied, we began to play with our food.  First, trying to pop them out & catch them in our mouths, then popping them at each other, and finally playing football as I set my hands/fingers up to be the goalposts, and he tried to "field goal" them in. 
That didn't work so well, so we brought ourselves back to to adult world.  Although he did share an embarrassing story that showed me how comfortable he is -- the Cliff Notes version is like this:  handle hot peppers as part of dinner at a restaurant; use their bathroom before washing hands; realize urgently that was a mistake; run to sink to try to wash off/cool down Mr Winkie;  little boy opens restroom door & the whole restaurant gets to see this in action.  As he said, "it probably looked like I was trying to hump the sink!"   I laughed my ass off.  What a visual!  (How neat that he feels comfortable enough to tell.)

After lunch I got to meet his airplane.    No, that's NOT a euphemism for something else!!   She is very pretty - nice sexy lines, like a classic car. Small.  Very aerodynamic.  And blue - my fav color!   I asked him what her name is & he didn't skip a beat --- "for sale."   Again, I cracked up. I like his sense of humor.  I got to sit in the pilot's seat & he showed me all the gauges & dials & switches.  It was awesome!  Like a classic car..... only fly-able!!  :)

Friday we had our 4th date - his first arena football game - and my Preds won!   We both had a lot of fun, and the comfortable-ness continues - riding over, at the game & on the way back.   We rode with friends, so there was a lot of talking & laughing.  There are more things I want to know about him that I would ask in private, but that will come.   We're hoping to plan something for this week. 

Wow. He's seen me nervous; sad; silly; he's seen me curious; he's seen me carefully & seriously analyzing a new delicate culinary creation; he's seen me jumping up & down, screaming my lungs out at a football game; he's seen me with some of my dearest friends....... I have been completely & 100% MYself.  Something I haven't been on dates in a while.  No veils. No smoke & mirrors. And he isn't scared away.  He's seeing the real me. And he is open to me. He's either going to like the real me, or not. 
But he sure isn't going to have to wonder when the real me is going to show up!!

Nearly the end of May!  wow!
I don't actually know what that means, but something about realizing it makes me think it could be significant.  or not.
Dating has taken a sudden back seat to my new project - "Amazing Journey to A Way Cool Job!" subtitled How to Stay Positive & Smiling When Almost Everyone Keeps Telling You How Hard it is to Find a Job These Days.  Let's see - "working against me," in order, is 1) the economy 2) kids looking for summer jobs 3) my age.  I saw an ad in the paper that AARP has support for "mature workers" and decided to call since I'm just barely AARP-able.  I felt better when they said they assist "older workers," defined as 40 & older!!   So, HAH to those of you smiling who are younger, but approaching!!
I just had a huge deja vu writing this.  hunh.  maybe that's significant.  or not.

No job yet, but meeting some very nice & interesting people. It's intriguing to see how leads come to me & thru whom. I'm approaching my hunt as an investigation, never knowing what will turn up. At an interview yesterday I was told that my qualifications were more in line for being her boss than working for her. Hey, I'm a single mom to my cat & bird who expect me to put a roof over their heads & food in their bowls!  They don't care how I get the money!  :)

Anyway, BULLY to all the nay-sayers and energy suckers. Once again, I am finding that what I bring to the table of my life has the most to do with what I'm served. Have I had a few moments of sheer panic & terror? yep. The longest I've been unemployed in my entire adult life was 1 week and that was by choice. When I acknowledge my fears, then shift my energy & thoughts to the next step to take, toss my head back, smile and truly engage with the people & world in front of me, something wonderful happens.  I feel my strength & confidence surge and the fears become fading details.

Hey, wait, this is a DATING blog!  And I have a wonderful new friend whose comments you've undoubtedly read, whose question of the day is whether I let my dates in on this blogging activity.  HELL, NO, DUDE!  It has crossed my mind that when I meet someone special who really "gets" me & my nutso humor, that he might find it amusing in hindsight.   or not.   As to the self-monitoring..... I write the truth, from a hopefully fun/funny standpoint, and with no meanness intended.  ....Hey, wait...... are you really asking if I'm withholding information about my sexual liaisons?? HELL, NO, DUDE!  Trust me, the next great or awful kiss -- I'm telling!  When I get laid - I'm telling!  (Not with last names or addresses, of course! unless it's really awful!)      just kidding!!!
So, hey, now get this, Dog, check it out (quick, who am I?)..... Last week I had a 2nd date with Dave.  Thai lunch.  yummy for my tummy.  I like him.  He's interesting.  He's more reserved than I am in some ways, yet wilder in others. I don't know him very well, I admit.  He's not one for talking on the phone.  He can't make this coming Pred game, but asked for a raincheck for the next one.  You got it, Dave-O!  We are gonna have a freakin' blast!!    :)
I like that this is moving very slow.  I like getting to know him. 
I mostly like that I am so completely comfortable being ME around him.  We're building a nice energy space.
More later, kids!   Lotsa love!

After a bit of a lull, I had a coffee date with Dave.  It's the best date I've had so far! A few moments of minor anxiety, once again going thru the adjustment period of having a 3-D person in front of me who I only knew by emails.  With a cup of Americano in hand, by the time my ass was in the chair 2 minutes, I was already feeling very relaxed and comfortable with Dave.  The conversation flowed (pretty evenly, I might add!), we laughed easily, and even found that a social acquaintance of mine has been his friend since the 70's!!  And yet we may have never met if it weren't for eharmony!         HEY!  Don't go envisioning any commercials based on this!

I was incredibly more comfortable on my 1st date with Dave than I was with Mick after 2 dates and hours on the phone.   So I invited him to the Preds game this Friday with complete confidence.  He already had plans, with our mutual friend, actually.  I was disappointed, only because I knew already we would both have so much fun.  He suggested Thai food next week.  Now, I have a permanent 'hard-on' for Thai food.  What can I say...4 years living in that paradise just never leaves your blood!   We have plans for a 2nd date before the 1st one is over. Cool. And I'm not all a-flutter, just real comfortable & looking forward to getting to know him better. ( I'm not sure if a-flutter is a good thing at this point of my life - I actually think it would be a huge warning!)

Being open, I did drop my latest news on him. Yep, I'm suddenly unemployed. This doesn't seem to bother him, and he actually promises to send me links to good job sites he's found.  (and he DOES! another point!)  Lessee, a man could react to an unemployed woman by 1) thinking she's looking for a sugardaddy and run like hell,  2) ride in on his white horse & rescue her with all the bondage or babying aftermath that entails, or 3) offer advice/support/info, be nonplussed, and maintain proper boundaries.   YES!  #3 wins!  And that is what Dave does.  (well, holy shit, OF COURSE he does!! since I am a more stable, emotionally healthy person, that is what I'm going to attract!!  DUH!!  TYG!!)

I leave the date, drive up A1A to see a classic car show (OMIGOD, what eye candy - Camaros, Fairlanes, Mustangs, Barracudas, Chevelles, Bel Airs,  droooooooling.....where's my bib.....), then home to watch my Preds playing in Kansas City (incredible game, and we end up barely winning, again. no wonder we call them "the heart attack kids!").
 
I do have a damn fine life!  :)

4/24/08
Mick & I had our 2nd date Tues evening. Dinner at an Italian place. Nice atmosphere, too salty, but otherwise terrific.  Backing up the time machine, as dinner approached I found that I didn't want to go. There had been quite a few little things that piqued my attention, but mostly it was just a strong gut feeling of avoidance.  I should be looking forward to a 2nd date!!  wasssssup?  I wondered if I was being too persnickety; too sensitive; looking for another excuse than the height issue; simply out of my comfort zone being around a different kind of guy than I used to date; afraid of my own progress......  so, I decided to ask the Big Guy upstairs for a clear message, went to the restaurant, and had 3 questions to fit into the evening which would help give me direction.

Screw the details. Bottom line is that my reaction to Mick is like a "perfectly" tuned magnet -- there is an interest there, but an exact & equal opposing repelling force. No movement.
 
The 3 questions never found their way out of my mouth, and we'd already scheduled a third date -- Predator game on Sat.  SHEET! SOMMABITCH! Which meant that on the way home I was cursing & criticizing myself for not putting my truth out there.
I can't even remember all the names I called myself, but somewhere along the way I came up with one of those Life Epiphanies -- isn't it odd that when we call someone (me) a "pussy" or a "weenie" that we really mean the same thing?!   How come I never noticed that before?!     Anyway, that stupendous cosmic awareness took the attention from the gnawing in my gut that I did NOT want to ride all the way over to Orlando with Mick & did not feel comfortable with him knowing where I live. It seemed unjustified & paranoid.  But I had to listen to it.
 
I was feeling 12 years old last night, but knew that I needed to put on my Big Girl Panties and follow through with my decision to call Mick, cancel our third date, and let him know I don't want to go out again. It wasn't easy. I kept reminding myself that it's not really "breaking up" after only 2 dates! For goodness sake! And, as my friends reminded me, this was another opportunity to Speak My Truth.  Crazy how I'm willing to let myself be uncomfortable rather than allow someone else to be!  I don't know what to say to Mick.  I don't know the words to use. I call a liberal friend, asking for permission to tell him via email, with the confession that I'm a tactless chicken. No dice. She says to call him. When Mick & I do talk, I suddenly enter an alternate dimension, hearing myself say words.... later, not even remembering it all.  He takes it well.  I am so relieved that this episode of Be True To Tamster is over.  There is a slight twinge, wondering if I've done the right thing.  Only time will tell.

On the bright side, I have a replacement for going to the game - a football- & beer-loving friend-of-a-friend that won't be a date.  I feel my whole being relax.   And, ironically enough, on the actual dating scene, Handshake Doug has resurfaced, as has Back From Atlanta Chris.   The new matches don't seem promising.  No problemo -- there is much happening in my life, and I have a strongly renewed focus on some goals of mine that have been languishing.